And So It Begins

On Solstice, December 21st (the ending of the Mayan Calendar, which just so happened to also be the day of the great Galactic Alignment) the girls and I had a little to-do. We said our intentions for the new year, we wrote them down on paper, in a blessed place lit by candle light, with quite a bit of ceremony. We said a prayer, held hands, spoke in whispers. It was lovely. Afterwards, we took our papers outside and burned them using the same candles. We were releasing them, our intentions, to the Universe. And then I tucked them in knowing that they would remember that night for a long time. 

But for me, it was the dawn of a New Age. I don't know what I expected to feel on that night, really. Ecstasy, my hair on fire, the thrum of accelerated energy moving through my body, 'beam me up, Scotty' stuff? I don't know, but, whatever my expectations were, I know now that they must have been really great/high. How do I know that? Because my level of disappointment in not feeling anything is off the charts. So, from that, I can intuitively surmise that my level of disappointment is equal to what my  expectations of that day were. 

There are no words to accurately describe the letdown that I experienced in the days that followed. I am not one given to depression. I've experienced disappointment before but not at this level. It was a profound thing, a dark thing, an 'I wish I could sleep the day away' thing. Luckily for me that I have my children to focus on. They were my reason for getting up and, once up, I could move through my day. Having their light around me made those days better. But at night, however, my thoughts would haunt me and I had restless nights, sleepless nights. And the really long days that generally follow those nights. 

I found out that I wasn't alone in this disappointment (I belong to a few spiritual communities online). That didn't make me feel any better, that's for sure. But, I wasn't alone and that makes you think a little. Maybe it was about expectation. That we had expectations and in having them, were disappointed when they weren't met. That's it, of course. But, how can you not have them? It was the beginning of a New Age after all, we were ascending. But why didn't we feel it? Did we get left behind?  

It took me a little while, but I finally figured it out. It's like your birthday. It doesn't feel any different, yet you're one year older. Or like New Year's Day. It doesn't feel any different than the day before but you know that it's the first day of a new year.

It's about the knowing of it and the feelings and emotions that you imbue it with. That's what changed it for me. I was able to release my disappointment and find the joy. The joy in knowing that a New Age was just beginning and with it great possibility filled with limitless potentiality. 

So, last night, on New Year's Eve, I made a list of all the things I hadn't done or finished in the year. And I included everything I could think of. I did this with the intention of regaining all the energy that I had given these things and believe me they weighted me down. Guilt for putting them off, regret in not getting them done, remorse for promises not kept, you name it, I felt it. And it was draining and making me heavy in spirit. It was a really long list. I took that paper and I burned it, releasing the energy. I can't believe how light I felt afterwards. I reclaimed my energy and I'm putting it to good use.

And so this year, on this first day, I will begin by not making any resolutions. There is nothing left to resolve. Instead, I am setting intentions. 

I will add to my list as necessary, but for now I am going to begin each day with this one:

It is my intention to be my best self, creatively, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

And for now, that is enough. 

Happy New Year! May you experience the very best of everything this life has to offer!

Love and Light to you from the heart of me.